GALLIANO DOESN'T GIVE A FUCK
Nogue's Harvey Von Hamper met John Galliano in Paris, curbside outside the Police station, near that Croissant place with the cute tables and shit service, right after his arrest on the 24th of February 2011.
I see John sitting on the street, waiting for his Uber. His attire consists of skinny cheetah cargo pants, a grey tank reading LOHA VETE sucks, pink lensed Ray Ban Aviators, a brown faux fur jacket and a top hat. As I walk over to him he immediately gets up to much fuck out of me. I retract, pulling up my ID badge and assure him that I’m not from Vogue, pointing to the upside down V. In a heart beat he has his arms around me, sobbing…loud. A child walks up to him, and also starts crying. I then realized why my boss at the Nogue office laughed as he handed me the assignment.
JONHNY G: Jesus, I’m so sorry about that, I thought for a second you were those cunts from V…
Harvey: WWWait, hold your horses, we’re in Paris mutha fucker, that bitch Anna has ears everywhere.
Galliano’s Uber arrives and we get in. As I get in the car and sit down I realize that I have pissed myself… again, and yup John had to have seen the piss river my penis had drawn on my beige chinos… Beige, I know fucking Beige of all the colors! I am ruthlessly drunk and hoping that I won’t have to say much whilst trying to fight the urge to hurl at any given second [It’s cool I’m on a 12 step]
Harvey: I have to say thank you this exclusive interview. I know you had a choice between Time, Fortune, New York Times, CNN, E! and of course Nogue.
JOHNNY G: Wait, what you’re from Nogue? Who the fuck…
Harvey: Aaanyway, so tell me what’s next, I mean you’re kinda in one of those “stranded at the drive-in, branded a fool” kinda scenarios… you know Grease…
JOHNNY G: My god you really stink of piss and whisky…. ummm yeah I know what you’re talking about… but right now I’m just going to take some time out and let this whole thing blow over.
Harvey: Yeah that’s probably a good idea… but seriously how convenient is it that those bitches that recorded you talking shit, recorded nothing of the PREceeding conversation you were having. They pressed that fucking record button at the right fucking time huh?
JOHNNY G: Well I was high as a mu’fucka so I could have been reciting Shakespeare for all I know. Not like I have a leg to stand on considering what I said…
Harvey: What?! It’s not like you meant it… like you stood up during day time traffic and announced it to the public… you were hammered and were talking shit… I mean literally I’m wasted no, but give me a couple more cosmos and I’ll be kicking puppies in the park..
JOHNNY G: Fuck you, I love dogs..
Harvey: Yeah yeah, bad analogy…. but wait, you see! you talk shit when you’re wasted!
JONHNY G: You’re right, but also weird. Are we going to get a drink or what? I mean seriously who the fuck taught you to interview? Just as well there isn’t a camera to show what a state you are.
Harvey: Fuck you dude, you’re the one wearing shit like you live on Burning Man Road or some shit…
JOHNNY G: you know what Harvey, I like you… fuck this let’s go get some gear.
Harvey: You know what Johnny, I’m glad you don’t give a fuck what’s going on with your life right now… You’re a master at what you do, and I have no doubt you’ll be killing it in no time.