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ALTAR EGO


Ozzy Osbourne manages to sit still for an interview and talks bat meat, tatts and who the fuck ozzy osbourne actually is... Well, as best as the coke and booze will let him anyway.

Host: Hi Night Flight fans, we’re talking with the one and only Ozzy Osbourne. Good evening Ozzy

Ozzy: What?

Host: Good evening Ozzy.

Ozzy: Hello there!

Host: How are you?

Ozzy: Fine

Host: Ozzy first of all, it has been rumoured, that you have biten the heads off doves, bats, dogs everything. We wanted to set the record straight, what head did you really bite.

Ozzy: Well in actual.. well if you want me to be funny I bit my own head off, but in actualy fact. Some guy at one gig on the last tour threw a bat on stage and every night we do a gig we get all these crazy people throwing junk on stage and I thought it was one of those rubber bats. I picked it up and it was a real bat.

Host: Was it alive?

Ozzy: well it was until I bit his head of you know.

Host: Yes! the next thing we want to get out of you...

Ozzy: you can’t say anything about that now can you?

Host: Well, I, sure, you can say anything you want.

Ozzy: I mean the the taste of bats, it’s very salty, it tastes of salt.

Host: Does it taste of anything else?

Ozzy: well yes, but I can’t really say that on the air now can I really.

Host: No... next. We want to see your tattoos, cos’ we’ve heard you’ve got the most incredible tattoos. Can you show them to us? Ohhh....

Ozzy: It’s great don’t you think? tattooed by the bat!

Host: And do you have any others?

Ozzy: Many more, I’m all covered in them....That’s my mother in law. [points to grim reaper tattoo on left side of his chest].

Host: Ozzy, your reputation is one that you are a wild man. We want to know how that started.

Ozzy: If I could explain this situation in one, I don’t know, it’s like I think theres a wild man in everybody. You know... all I am is a conductor, I like to get people off in a good way, I like to give myself to people you see. Ozzy is sometimes a very unhappy person because on one side of my life with the constant work and the ummm, understanding the people like me and know what I do. I’m very priveleged in that respect. But there’s a side of me that wants to say “Hey” you know, I want to go fisihing in a lake you know. I want to do what everybody else does. But because of what I am, and because of who I am... I said to you before we came on the air, I’m a split personality... Ozzy Osbourne and John Osbourne is two different people. John is talking to you now. But if you want me to be OZZY OSBOURNE! You know it’s like, it takes over you. It kind of, to be Ozzy, 24 hours a day is kinda heavy you know. People just expect you to bite the heads off things everyday they see you.. they, they, pull faces at you when they recognize you on the street. It ain’t kinda funny you know, because sometimes me and my wife will go out to dinner and people recognize you in te restaurant.. and they’re like “why’s he eating the duck? he probably bit the head of it!” you know, and it’s kind of so what? you know... do you know why I do what I do? the reason I do what I do is because it’s what everybody wants to do. But they ain’t got the guts to. And all I am is honest. I mean ok, take it for instance, they, every gig I do they put me down as I bit the head off this and all this and cruelty to animals. I don’t do that... ha I almost said shit... I don’t do it! and they elaborate on Ozzy Osbourne and people are my best publicists, they get on the phone and they say “I was at the gig and he bit the head off five sheep and cut the ankles off five cows” and what have you. But you know, people elaborate and Ozzy Osbourne have been created through them. It wasn’t through me, all I did was make a mistake of biting the head off a bat, and I tell you what guys it ain’t fun when you get all those rabbies shots. Them shots hurt man, you know it’s like heavy duty mate. I had 24 shots of rabbies vaccine and it’s not fun.

Host: you’re not gonna bite any more bats?

Ozzy: Oh yeah!